sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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