This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
