I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
