She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
