the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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