I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
