Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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