I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
