My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
