He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
