Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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