You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
