Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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