so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
