It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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