you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
