he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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