I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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