saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
