I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
