Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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