jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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