Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
