My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
