we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
