so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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