U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
