i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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