Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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