So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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