1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
