I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
