You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
