There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Enjoy the penises
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
