u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
