I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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