dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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