I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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