I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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