This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
