I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
