Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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