so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
