11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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