Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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