insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
