you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
