My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
