did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
