hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
