Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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